My reaction to Salzburg's style

Salzberg recommends the brahma-vihara techniques in glowing terms. I have trouble reading that kind of enthusiasm. I get defensive, stubborn and critical. I find ways the author has simplified, overgeneralized, and / or ignored culture differences. I hear the writer's voice as pushy and preachy.

(All too often I find this attitude in my own writing. When I find something that works for me, I get evangelistic about it. I want to tell everyone how great it is. [Witness this site; the Web is wonderful for self-publishing.] I want to convert everyone. I gush, I exaggerate....)

An example: my fear of pain

When Salzburg describes (on pp. 182-183) why Tibetans do not have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, she seems to be suggesting that if Westerners just do what the Tibetans do, we won't have it either. I react: "I think it's not that simple."

I have post-traumatic stress disorder. Or as my therapist has observed, perhaps in my case it should be called "continuing stress disorder" because I keep getting re-exposed to the chemicals that make me sick, and to the ignorant behavior of people who expose me. My experience is that the world is not a safe place for me. I have great difficulty finding doctors with any expertise in this new field; my health may be getting worse; I am concerned there is no way to provide for myself if I get much worse.

I struggle with panic often. And I know I close down from this fear, and treat people with unkindness, even anger. But as I read Salzberg talking about the power of metta (lovingkindness) to overcome fear, it just doesn't feel right. More precisely, metta helps me let go of my anguish from being hurt by ignorant people. But it doesn't begin to address my fear.

Metta overcomes fear?

Metta has overcome other kinds of fears for me — fears of other people, for example; I have experienced this. But with my illness, my fear is of the environment, and of the pain. I end up treating people poorly because I close down in fear, but it is not the people I am afraid of. Sending metta to the people who expose me, does not reduce my fear. When I was reading Salzberg talking about learning to be kind to others, I was weeping with grief over my failure to find a way to emerge from my fear and treat others better. The book was very hard to keep reading, at that point.

Ann Barker of TheravadaNet encouraged me that in the the long-term, metta will enable me to open myself better to the interdependent web of Being. This makes sense; I will reserve judgment.

Pollyanna makes me sad

But I only kept reading the book because Ann asked recommended it so highly. Rather than being inspired by Salzburg's glowing descriptions, I often reacted by longing for what she promises, and wondering what's wrong. Certainly my struggles with the book are the result of my particular unusual problems; perhaps you'll be able to get more from taking what she says at face value.

Still, my recommendation is qualified: very useful information, be prepared for overenthusiasm.